Day +6//Embracing the Baldness

Nothing new or exciting to report to you today other than the fact that as of last night, I officially have a bald head. Yesterday my little fuzzy hair was getting everywhere. It was poking me through my shirt, getting all over my clothes and the couch, and the last straw was when those tiny little hairs kept falling into my dinner. So after I finished my neutropenia friendly ‘just add water’ macaroni and cheese, Gaby got out her clippers and shaved off all of the remaining hairs. It did not feel liberating like the first shave did. I did not feel empowered like I did on Sunday because last night’s shave wasn’t me being in control, it was me getting tired of my hair falling out all over the place making it feel like I had a thousand little needles poking  my skin. Another patient here, Stacey, had a really hard time when it came time for her to shave off her beautiful long red locks of hair after it started falling out by itself. Now I think I feel why it was so hard. It is easy to do something hard when it is your choice. It is not easy, and honestly heartbreaking, to do something hard when you’re left with no other viable option. On Sunday I shaved my head as a proactive move. Last night it was a reactive move.

I think choosing to do this treatment has been so easy for me because I am making the choice to do something proactive about my Multiple Sclerosis diagnosis. I am in control of my future with this, much like I was in control of buzzing my hair on Sunday. I refused to sit around until I had no other option but to claim defeat to this stupid life-sucking disease.

Today I had to dig deep to find my silver lining and I think it is that even when things don’t go my way and they are out of my control, I am still always in control of how I react.

I will continue to smile even with my weird shaped, mole speckled, shiny bald head because I wouldn’t have this bald head if I wasn’t doing something awesome to take control of my life. I’m one of the lucky ones who gets to do this treatment. I will learn to embrace my baldness and before I know it, I’ll be back to having a fuzzy head again. 

I will rise. I will get stronger. I will move on. I will look back knowing that I did everything that I could do to stop my disease from progressing. And my hair will grow back…hopefully curly.